It’s been over a month now since our wedding and I wanted to write about the day before I forget. I’d been quite worried and nervous in the run up to the big day as I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen and what I needed to do but in the end everything worked out perfectly and I really couldn’t have wished for a better day. I was so lucky that my parents and my friends Lucy and Coddy could come out for it too and on such short notice, it just made everything even better.
Made’s father first went to the priest in October to find a good day for the wedding. We had a choice of 3 dates in November and luckily one of them was while my mum was here (she’d already planned to visit before we decided we were getting married) so we planned the wedding for the 23rd of November. My dad was travelling in Nepal in the mountains at the time so I had to email him, thinking he wouldn’t be able to make it out but luckily he could come although Sue (his wife) had to work.
There is a lot of work that goes into a Balinese wedding! The preparations started from about 6 weeks before the wedding when Made’s mother and other women in the family started making offerings for the ceremony. We also did some work on the house to make it nice for the day – painted the walls and got a new stone floor. 3 days before the ceremony, the preparations intensified and we all had to be up very early in the morning (from 4.30 am!) to make coffee and food for the family members, neighbours and family who had come to help prepare everything. I am definitely not a morning person so it was very hard for me to get up at this time! Also quite stressful as my Indonesian is not good and I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to be doing but I was so happy that there were so many people giving up their time for us!
The first morning, the men came over to make things from bamboo to hold all the offerings and the bamboo and coconut leaf decoration at the entrance to the house to signify a wedding would be happening soon. The next day the women came to make the offerings – hundreds and hundreds of intricate constructions like origami with coconut leaves, holding fruit and flowers. In the afternoon the men came back to kill ducks for the wedding food and offerings and the next day (the day before the wedding) they returned in the morning to make satay and other food for the wedding. Neighbours continued to come round with offerings the day before the wedding to wish us good luck and happiness for the future.
On the morning of the wedding I dressed in a purple and gold kebaya, a pink and gold silk sarong that my mum had bought me for the wedding and a purple and gold sash. My friends and parents arrived at 7am and they looked great in the traditional Balinese outfits! The family was getting ready with last minute preprations – arranging the offerings and wrapping posts with my and Made’s clothing in front of the flowers – these are symbolic of the man and woman about to be married.
At the start of the ceremony we stood outside the entrance to the family compound in front of a pile of offerings while the pemangku (priest) did blessings with holy water and incense smoke. We had pieces of string tied around our wrists and at some point the head was ripped off a baby chicken! We had to pick ‘fruit’ reprented by old chinese coins from a bundle of leaves and Made stood on an egg to break it before we walked through the entrance and into the compound in front of another pile of offerings. We were wafted with smoke, brushed with leaves and various offerings and had chinese coins placed between our fingers. After this we went to sit outside our house while the pemangku rang his bell and chanted and we waited for the next part of the ceremony.
We were brushed with more offerings and had more pieces of string tied around our wrists and placed over our ears before praying together with Made’s mother. Made then had to follow me around the compound 3 times. I carried a basket containing a towel and offerings on my head while Made followed with a stick with a coconut tied to one end and a bunch of leaves on the other. Made’s father followed both of us hitting Made lightly with a stick (he seemed to enjoy this!) to symbolise the children we will have after marriage. Apparently the number of sticks = the number of children they want us to have but looking at the photos afterwards there seems to be 10 at least so I’m not so sure about that!
After completing our circuits, Made cut a string that had been tied between two sticks and we walked through it to symbolise leaving our old single lives and starting our new life together. I sat on a coconut and pretended to sell Made items from my basket, he then handed over a heavy bag full of coins, to buy everything, including me! Finally I held a woven grass mat while Made stabbed it with his kris (sword-like knife). No prizes for guessing what this symbolises!
After praying in the family temple, we fed each other pieces of food and brushed each other with a paste to symbolise washing together (in the past the couple would go to the river to wash together) the guests started to eat and I went to change into my traditional wedding outfit.
My face was prepared with pale foundation(even paler than my skin so I can’t imagine it on the average Balinese person!) and my eyebrows drawn in high dark arches. I had gold eyeshadow, big false eyelashes and bright red lipstick with a red dot on my forehead – quite a change from my usual bit-of-mascara-if-I-can-be-bothered and I freaked out when I first looked in the mirror and said I looked like a drag queen! My hair was backcombed and hair pieces added for height before lots of individual gold pieces on sticks were spiked into my head, making me at least a foot taller. The back of my hair had the same treatment with fresh flowers. The overall effect was dramatic and heavy! By the time it was finished I already had quite a headache from the weight pulling on my hair and the fact I’d been up since 5am and too nervous to eat anything.
I was wrapped into several metres of fabric and had heavy earrings (adding to the pain of my head dress!), suddenly everyone started panicking because the pendeta (high priest) had already arrived to complete the wedding ceremony and we weren’t ready. Made had to dress himself while the final touches were put on my outfit and we were rushed out of the door.
The pendeta wouldn’t normal be needed for a wedding ceremony but it was necessary in my case as I was a westerner and converting to Balinese Hindu for my marriage to Made. For the final part of the ceremony we stood in front of the table full of offerings and waved our hands to take in the energy from the offerings while the priest chanted. Finally we prayed and were given holy water to drink by the priest and grains of rice to eat and press on our foreheads. We each had a piece of grass with a flower at the forehead tied around our heads and the ceremony was complete!
Exchanging rings isn’t normally part of a Balinese ceremony but we chose to do it after the main ceremony. We ate first (as I was about to faint!) and I couldn’t wait to take out the gold pieces from my hair which were causing me such a headache, changed back into my original clothes and went back into the family temple to exchange the rings. I had a heavy gold ring which had been my mother’s and my great grandmother’s and passed down through the family. We had bought Made a similar ring in Sukawati the week before.
With all the formalities over we were free to eat, drink, relax and talk to our friends. Everyone was tired but happy, finally after all the weeks of hard work we were married, I was now officially part of Made’s family and the village community. The coconut and the basket of items I had ‘sold’ to Made were placed under our bed as a fertility symbol and we completed the final stage of the ceremony 3 days later with Made’s mother at home with more offerings of fruit and cake that we were then encouraged to eat!
I really would not have wished my wedding to be any other way and I feel so priviledged to be welcomed into the family and the community by everyone. My parents too were very glad to see me so happy and looked after by Made’s family.
Lots more photos at my flickr album!
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